Today’s Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee just confused me. The episode was “Take Out/In 2,” for the masochists among you who may want to catch it in reairings this week. She made what she called an Apple Pie Napoleon which involved taking a Sara Lee frozen pie and smashing it up with a fork. She then put it inside baked sheets of puff pastry which were also mashed down with a fork. Then there was some Cool Whip mixed with sugar and cinnamon, and a cream cheese-confectioner’s sugar-cream liqueur. It was really over-the-top and needlessly complicated, and, oh yeah, stupid. Why not just serve the pie with some ice cream? Will that make your friends hate you or something?

There was something called a Redtini. See my earlier rant on things ending in “-tini.” This was a drink that consists of frozen strawberries, Red Bull, and vodka. I’m sorry, but WTF? More than that, she has apparently run out of inspiration for dumb names. Last week, there was the Blushing Martini (so ashamed at its own creation!), during the asinine rose-themed show, which seemed to be an excuse for shilling the products from this website. Lest you say, “Oh, Sarah, she could have bought rose petals, syrup, and soda anywhere,” I saw her on a daytime women’s show called Life & Style (which was seriously many times worse than The View) hawking this exact website. And that stuff’s wayyyy expensive (at least through that site). I’m sure that the flavor of rose petals in nice in moderation. Perhaps that tea is tasty. But I don’t want an entire freaking menu centered around it. Rose water in potato pancakes? Is she high?

I won’t even get started on what I think about her saying crescent rolls taste the same as croissants. And the fact that she’s so proud of using entirely disposable products for her themed tabletop. You go, girl! Keep on keepin’ on with yo’ bad, bad self. Fill up those landfills! No one likes a hole in the ground! w00t!

Ugh, woman. You… astonish me.